I witnessed a conversation between some friends the other day and they were discussing another person who they had an issue with. There was a lot of dislike for the other person and by the sounds of it, it wasn’t exactly unfounded. The other had been rude and unkind on a few occasions to the group and it sounded like they had issues of their own.
One of the people said something that really struck me:
“Hold on. I think you’re projecting a lot of other things onto that person, not just this issue”
I thought that was insightful because I think we tend to do that as humans when we’re hurting. We hold a lot of pain from many experiences, but when we have a chance, we want to transfer it onto someone else “because they deserve it”.
Yes, we can be wronged by someone and acknowledge that we’ve been hurt. But when we feel we need to transfer other pain onto that person we need to come back and ask the question where is this anger coming from?
The last time you were hurt, did you feel the need to scapegoat someone?